Category Archives: Communication Skills

What Does It Mean?

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“So, when I try to get my team to understand what I mean, I have to look inside, at myself first?” Renata asked.

I nodded. “And making meaning is a bit of sticky wicket,” I replied, using my best croquet analogy.

“How so?”

“When we look inside to figure out what we mean, we are simply asking questions to help us interpret people, things, events, conversations,” I said. “Interpretation helps us understand the meaning. It’s not what the facts are, it’s the way we interpret the facts. And, then you have to ask the question, in relation to what?”

“Explain.”

“For a leader, at any level, it has a great deal to do with the objectives, goals or mission. How do we interpret these facts in relationship to our goals or our mission? That gives us insight into what it means.”

Conversations With Yourself

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“I am trying to figure out how to make my case to the team about our new process,” Renata nodded her head.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Sometimes, the way I say things gets the wrong reaction,” she replied. “I think I mean to say one thing, but they think I mean something else. I need to know better how to talk to them.”

“How are you talking to yourself?” I wanted to know.

“My turn to ask what do you mean?” she chuckled.

“How you talk to yourself, your inner private conversations indicate how you lead yourself. And, how you lead yourself will determine how you lead others. Most conversations are with yourself, often it just happens that other people are in the room.”
—
Homage to Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations

Fight for Respect

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“Being promoted to manager is not all it was cracked up to be,” Muriel moaned.

“How so?” I asked.

“When I was part of the team, we were all collaborators, working together, solving problems, in general, we had a really good time at work. Now that I am the manager of the team, they don’t seem to respect me or my position.”

“Tell me more,” I prompted.

“I tell them how to solve a problem, and they go about trying to solve it in a different way. When I catch them not following my solution, they push back. They seem to question everything I say. It’s like I am in a big fight for respect.”

I smiled. “If you feel like you have to fight for respect, you are more likely to get a fight than respect.”

Meaning to the Words

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“It’s good to have everyone back in the office,” Conrad explained. “It seems convenient to have people video conference, but it just wasn’t the same.”

“If you look at your team as a system, realizing that everything, every person is connected to each other as a system,” I said, “what qualitative difference does it make in your communication system?”

“For sure,” Conrad nodded. “Sending an email is a one-way communication. Even texting loses a non-verbal component.”

“And what about a video conference where the camera is off?” I asked.

“Most definitely. Without the visual, the connection is lost. No confirmation the person is paying attention, has a question, in agreement or out of agreement. Sometimes spoken words don’t convey the whole message.”

“And, is there a difference between video communication and face-to-face communication, in real proximity?” I asked.

Conrad nodded. “Yes. I communicate something very powerful simply by the physical distance between us. Talking in a meeting ten feet away is very different than talking to someone two feet away. Even that physical distance gives meaning to the words we say.”

What’s the Problem?

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“You have a look of consternation on your face,” I said.

“Correct,” Adriana replied. “I just got back our survey results on my customer service team. Not so good.”

“What do you understand from the survey?” I wanted to know.

“I know we have the best trained team in the company,” she started. “We constantly go over the process, the rules, the disclaimers. We role play situations to make sure we are following the training. The team does great. They do exactly what they are supposed to do.”

“Where’s the rub?” I asked.

“One of the survey questions asked ‘Did we solve the problem?’ We only solved the problem 23% of the time. So 77% of the time, the customer said no.”

“So, you have very strict guidelines, and your customer service team follows those guidelines with a high level of compliance. Tell me, do you think the guidelines were created to solve customer problems? Let’s look at the first two steps. First, smile when taking a call. Second, use the customer’s first name.”

“Yes, those are important,” Adriana defended. “We want the conversation to be friendly. We want the customer to feel like they are talking to a real person.”

“But, just because I am friendly and know the customer’s first name does not mean I have a solution to their problem.”

Can You See What I See?

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Wesley was happy. “I stayed up most of the night last night, couldn’t sleep. I finally figured out a new process for the way we inspect parts coming off the line. It should speed things up and detect almost all the product defects.”

“Congratulations,” I smiled. “How is the team responding to the new process?”

“Oh, they don’t know about it yet,” Wesley replied. “I have a meeting with them in about ten minutes. I am sure they are going to be enthusiastic about the changes.”

“Quite certain, are you?” I continued to smile.

“I can tell by your question that you think I am overoptimistic about the team’s reaction.”

I chuckled. “Yes. You have a new story to tell the team that is different from the old story the team has been living with. You can see things about this new process that your team may struggle with. And, their old story will support their struggle. Do not underestimate the power of the story people tell themselves. Your new story has to pull the team all the way through the struggle so they begin to see what you see.”

Leadership Trivia

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Have you ever noticed there is no game called Leadership Trivia. Oh, there might be a version with the question, “Which company featured in the Jim Collin’s book Good to Great eventually went on to file for bankruptcy,” but, that would be more of a historical question.

In issues related to leadership, there are no answers that can be posted on a card, placed in a card deck, and pulled at random to delight its players around the table. There is often no right answer to the question.

A Failure to Communicate?

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“I have a communication problem,” Sarah insisted.  “My sales manager doesn’t communicate effectively with the operations manager.”

“And?” I asked.

“Operations has been struggling.  Our backlog is best when we have about six weeks hard scheduled.  But, right now, operations has an eighteen week backlog, that’s five months.  My sales manager is apoplectic.  He says he can’t sell a project that we can’t start for five months.  He says the operations manager won’t listen to him, stonewalls him in meetings, doesn’t respond to emails.  I think we have a communications problem.”

“What have you tried?” I wanted to know.

“Well, we hired a communication consultant.  He came highly recommended.  We had four seminars, one week apart, but at the end of a month, the sales manager still had the same complaint.”

“What did the ops manager say?” I pressed.

“Oh, he says that the sales manager is unrealistic, that his operations team is working as hard as they can to keep up and the sales team has no appreciation for their effort.”  Sarah sounded a bit despondent.

“So, you think you have a communication issue, and you had a communication workshop, but the problem didn’t go away.  Do you think maybe it’s not a communication problem?”

The Pep Talk

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“Don’t they see it?” Suzette complained.  “We make a really great product for our customers.  Our customers are thankful, give us positive testimonials. As the manager, I get a strong sense of the impact of what we do. But the production team seems bored, just going through the motions. Two quit only last week. I try to give them pep talks in our team huddle every morning, but they break the huddle and shuffle back to their work station.”

“You have your answer,” I replied.

“What do you mean?” she drew back.

“Your question. You asked a question. ‘Don’t they see it?’ Obviously, they don’t.” I chuckled.

“Well, of course they don’t see it,” Suzette was emphatic. “I was talking about my pep talk. How can I change my pep talk?”

“You could drop it,” I suggested. “Drop the pep talk. What you say has no impact. It’s what they see. How can you show them?”

Written vs Verbal

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Reggie was adamant. “I believe that using a written memo is the best approach to communicate my vision of the project, because it ensures consistency and allows everyone to refer back to the information whenever they need it. I feel that face-to-face communication might lead to misinterpretation or forgetting important details.”

“Written memos are useful,” I replied. “Tell me more?”

Reggie was quick to continue. “Sometimes I feel like the message gets lost or diluted when I communicate verbally. There have been instances where team members seemed distracted or didn’t grasp the complete vision during our face-to-face discussions. That’s why I thought a written memo would provide a clearer message.”

“Maybe that’s the downside of a verbal conversation. What about the upside?” I pressed.

There was a pause. Lasted forever, but silence often does the heavy lifting. “A verbal discussion, in a meeting, allows for immediate feedback on the project, understanding its purpose, its scope, its sequence. It may also surface questions that everyone has, but most are too timid to ask about. It might also create a sense of connection and trust in the team.”

“In what way could you combine both the clarity and consistency of a memo, a written description, with the improvisational value of a robust discussion?”