“I am really struggling to hold people accountable,” Nancy blurted out. “I mean, I know I am supposed to create positive relationships with my team, but when a team member fails to deliver on their part of the project, I have to get to the bottom of the issue.”

“How so?” I asked. “How do you get to the bottom of the issue?”

“It’s more than that,” Nancy ignored my question. “I have to let them know how disappointed I am in the project. I am beginning to have doubts they even have the capability to put the missing pieces back together.”

“I am curious,” I stopped. “I am curious how you think your team feels when they hear that message, that you have doubts?”

“Well, they should have doubts as well. They know the due dates of each segment in the project. There are no secrets.”

“Is self-doubt an element that contributes or detracts from the project?”

As if Nancy suddenly became self-aware, she began to nod. “I guess I would prefer an attitude of self-confidence.”

“And so, what could you do differently to build self confidence without sowing the seeds of self-doubt? More importantly, what could you do differently to hold someone to account for the project delay and due dates missed?”

Nancy knew better than to play dumb with me. “You’ve switched my words,” she said. “I said hold the team accountable, and you said hold the team to account?”

My turn to nod. “You cannot, never have been, never will be, able to hold someone accountable. All you can do, as a manager, is to hold someone to account. Subtle shift in language. It is not within your authority, as a manager, to berate another human being. But, it is within your authority, as a manager, to be curious and to ask what they might do differently, to meet the deadline.”