Category Archives: Learning

Gratitude for Past Mistakes

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“You look happy this morning,” I said.

“Indeed,” Amira replied. “It’s a new year. We get a clean slate. Our mistakes are in the past. We can go forward with a renewed sense of optimism.”

“But didn’t the past deliver you here, to where you are today? Didn’t the mistakes you made teach you lessons not to repeat? Didn’t the struggles you had with the problems you solved put you a step ahead in the grand scheme?”

Amira paused her thinking. “But that was in the past. Can’t we forget and move forward?”

I shook my head. “No, we cannot forget. More important, those things in the past were great teachers if we listen. Tell me, Amira, if you really look back, what are you grateful for? What happened to land you in this place of optimism today? Yes, it’s a fresh start, but built on a platform of gratitude for the part of the journey we have already completed. What are you grateful for?”

Is It the New Clubs?

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“How’s your golf game?” I asked.

That was Nathan’s favorite question. “My favorite subject,” he replied with some delight. “I got some new golf clubs last week, lots of fun.”

“How was your score with the new clubs?” I wanted to know.

“You had to ask that question,” he looked at me sideways.

“Well?” I pressed.

“Well, probably the worst score I’ve had in the last year,” Nathan admitted.

“Maybe they are just lousy clubs,” I searched for an explanation.

“I know where this is going,” he replied. “If I want to get better at golf, I can either buy new clubs or work on my game. New clubs are nice, but maybe I should spend time working on my game.”

Questions and Stupidity

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“Instead of telling my team what to do, you want me to ask them questions?” Eliana confirmed.

I nodded.

“But, won’t that make it seem like I don’t know the answers?” she protested. “I don’t want to look stupid.”

“Better to ask a question, and appear stupid for a little while,” I replied, “than to never ask the question and be stupid for a long time.”

What We Know

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“But, what am I supposed to do with what I know?” Eliana prodded.

“Ask better questions,” I replied.

“Isn’t it easier just to tell the team what to do and how to do it?” she wanted to know.

“Yes, easier, for sure. But, the problems we face today were caused by what we knew yesterday. What we knew yesterday, if we stick to it, will prevent us from solving the problem today. As long as we are stuck in what we knew yesterday, we continue to be part of the problem, today.”

But, I Know the Answer

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“Yes, we have this meeting, once a week, where I get the team together to ask me questions,” Eliana explained. “We bring in pizza, I call it Lunch and Learn.”

“Learning is good,” I nodded. “In that session, what are you learning?”

“I don’t think you understand,” she replied. “They are the ones with questions. I am providing the answers. I am not the one in the meeting who is learning.”

“I think I get that,” I smiled. “They have questions and you know stuff. They come to learn, in learning mode. You stand at the front, in knowing mode.”

“Of course,” Eliana flatly stated. “They are young and I have more experience.”

“But, my question was – what are YOU learning?” I asked. “More importantly, when you are in knowing mode, what are you NOT learning?”

“But, shouldn’t I share my experience of what I know?” Eliana pressed.

“The purpose of experience, or expertise, is not to demonstrate your knowledge (knowing mode). The purpose of experience is sharpen your mind to ask better questions (learning mode). Better questions that lead the team to mission, vision and purpose.”

The Pain Inside the Problem

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“What do you mean?” Felipe wanted to know. “What do you mean, what is the problem trying to teach me?”

“Look, this is a problem that is difficult to solve. It is difficult, because what you are trying to do is difficult. You chose a difficult goal, you chose to aim high.”

“But, it is something that has to be done,” Felipe was firm.

“Yes, you determined this aim was necessary, something that must be accomplished. So, now there is a problem. If you had not set such a lofty aim, you would not have encountered such a difficult problem. People with small problems do not aim very high. Small problems are easy to solve, can even be dismissed without affecting the quest, because the quest is of little importance. But if your aim is high, and your quest is necessary, the problem will be extraordinary. The problem will come with pain.”

Felipe nodded. “Yes,” he said. “It’s painful.”

“What is the problem trying to teach you? You may not unlock the solution until you become a different person. What is the pain trying to teach you?”

The Purpose for Problems

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“I’m stumped,” Felipe groaned. “And, the worst part, I feel bad.”

“How so?” I asked.

“I’ve been struggling with this problem for more than two weeks, without resolution. And, it’s painful. I should be able to figure it out, but the problem persists. At first, I thought it was just a bump in the road, something we could fix. Then, I thought perhaps it was a fundamental assumption that we just got wrong.”

“And, now?” I prodded.

Felipe took a deep breath. “And, now? Now I feel like a failure. That maybe it’s me. That I am not cut out for this work. I was proud to get this promotion. I felt important. I barked instructions and people paid attention. Now, I just don’t know. Maybe I am an imposter?”

“We all encounter problems,” I replied. “Sometimes those problems are to be solved. Some problems can be eliminated. But, the real purpose for problems is to learn something new. What is this problem trying to teach you?”

The Value of Advice

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“So, I have to know where I want to go, before I get advice?” Sebastian clarified.

“You are going to get advice all the time from everyone around you,” I said. “Whose advice do you listen to? You have to make a judgement about the guidance you receive, whether that guidance will create the outcomes in line with your pursuit.”

Sebastian was silent. Not stony, but reflective.

“Is what people tell you important to your pursuits, or their pursuits?” I continued.  “Is their guidance based on an objective reality, or their interpretation of reality? Hint, objective reality is hard to come by. It is important to inquire of other interpretations, but ultimately, you have to decide your own interpretation. It is only you with a precise understanding of your journey and its destination.”

Who You Hang With

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“You have collected the data, what you know, from people around you?” I asked a rhetorical question.

Sebastian pursed his lips, “That’s where I get my data from,” he replied.

“So, what you know, is what people have told you?” Same question, different words. “And, not just the data you collect from your team, but what people tell you about other things. What you want, your strategy, guidance and ideas. As you look at the people around you, it makes a lot of difference who they are. You cannot pick your parents, often cannot pick your school teacher, but as we go through life, we do select the people around us and who we depend upon to share their view of the world. It’s the reverse of the old adage – if you lay down with dogs, you’re going to get up with fleas. Take care who you hang out with. Do these people have your best interests at heart? Do they want to help you get where you want to go? Do they even know, or care to find out where you want to go?”

Competence and Happiness

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“A new day, a new way?” I asked.

Sophia smirked. “Yes, but this is more difficult than I thought. I mean, I thought I would like this kind of work, I thought I would be good at it.”

“Conventional wisdom,” I said. “Isn’t that the pursuit of happiness? Find something you like and you will be good at it.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I like the work, it’s interesting, but it doesn’t seem to come natural to me,” she said, shaking her head.

“It is possible you have it backwards,” I nodded. “We like activity in which we are competent, not the other way around. Just because you like something doesn’t mean you are competent. Just because you are interested and read a book about basketball does not mean you are a good 3-point shooter. On your way to becoming a good 3-point shooter, which takes practice over practice, as you become competent, you will find your happiness. Those who are competent in their pursuit will find the most satisfaction. Those who are not competent, who did not practice, will soon become disinterested and go another way.”