Category Archives: Communication Skills

Magic of Common Ground

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“Like I said, I will ask them about the way they see themselves in their role on the team,” responded Julia. We had been talking about her new management position.

“And what if you don’t like what you hear?” I asked.

That was a hard question. Julia started her sentence twice before completing it. “I just have to keep digging. Somewhere in there is a small starting point. Somewhere in there is a small place where we can agree.”

“Is that the point of intersection we were talking about?”

“Yes.” Julia was on a roll. “And I have to find it before we can go on. Sometimes you have to go slow before you can go fast. Until I make that connection, until I find that point of intersection, we are not going anywhere in the conversation.”

“And what do you think happens between the two of you when you find that point of intersection?”

“It’s like a little piece of magic. We get something we can build on and move forward with. Until we find that common ground, all we have are differences. You cannot build on differences.”

Point of Intersection

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Julia was accurate in describing her situation. She was a woman in a male dominated work environment, and now, she was the manager. Her team wasn’t downright hostile, but she would have to earn their respect quickly. There were changes that needed to be made and her boss was expecting results in short order.

“How will you bring value as the new manager on the block?” I asked.

“I think it is important for each team member to understand what I expect from their role on the team.”

“And, how will you do that?”

Julia thought briefly, struggling between what she really thought and what she figured I wanted to hear. “I am going to schedule an individual meeting with each person.” She stopped to check my reaction before going on.

“Okay. What is that meeting going to sound like?” I prodded.

“Questions, I am going to ask questions and listen. I am going to ask questions about what they think their job is, what they think their role is.”

“And why is that an important question?”

Julia knew it was important, but she had never thought about why. Suddenly, she knew. “Before I tell them my expectations, I need to find out where they stand. I need to know how far apart we are. It’s a guarantee we will start from different places. I need to gauge the distance of the journey to find that point where we have common ground.”

I smiled. “The point of intersection, that’s a good place to start. How do you get there?” -TF

Still Have to Have the Conversation

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“I just don’t understand,” said Harry, “Four weeks ago, we introduced an incentive program for efficiency on the shop floor, and so far, I haven’t seen any improvement at all. What are we doing wrong?”

“In the past four weeks, since you introduced this incentive program, how many meetings have you held to talk about efficiency?” I asked.

“Meetings? That is why we started the incentive program, so we wouldn’t have to have meetings, so we wouldn’t have to spend time talking about it. With the money we put out there, they should be able to figure some things out, shouldn’t they?”

“Just because you have put up some money to achieve a specific result, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to talk about it. Some behaviors will help efficiency, some behaviors may not, some behaviors may even work against efficiencies. You have an incentive program, but you still have to have the conversation.

“I want you to think about this. Even if you did not have an incentive program, wouldn’t the conversation still be critical? Wouldn’t it be valuable to talk about positive behaviors that work for us and other behaviors that work against us?” -TF

Not the Thought that Counts

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It’s not the thought that counts. It’s the hug, the squeezed hand, the warm smile, sharing a cup of coffee, dropping by, saying hello, listening.

It’s the card from a friend with a special note, calling to talk about things more important than the weather.

It’s sitting with a family member through a tough time, standing up for someone in their proudest moment.

Sometimes it’s just showing up and being fully present. -TF

Deeper Questions

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“Tell me about someone in your life who had a significant impact,” I queried. Lydia paused, a smile crept across her face. Without speaking a word, you could see a warm emotional connection with the person she was thinking about.

Lydia and I had been talking about communication skills, specifically listening at a deeper level. Deeper questions move the conversation to new level.

“I am not sure I am comfortable asking those questions,” she explained.

“If you want to have significant conversations, you have to ask significant questions. In the beginning you may not feel comfortable, but with more practice, you will find that people actually like to talk about things that are significant to them. It happens to be their favorite subject.”

Lydia was thinking about that significant person. As she began to speak, I could see this conversation would be interesting, inspiring and thoughtful. Lydia had been waiting a lifetime to have this conversation with someone and she was just getting started. -TF

Deeper Listening Skills

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“What do mean, I wasn’t listening. I heard what he said,” protested Lydia. We were discussing different levels of listening.

“I know you heard what he said, but I want you to listen deeper.” I challenged.

“What do you mean?”

“Most of the time, when we are listening, we make eye contact, we exhibit great body language to show we are engaged, but in truth, we are just waiting for them to take a breath so we can – respond. Listening to respond shows you are paying attention, but I want you to listen deeper.

“I want you to think about understanding. Listen for understanding.” I stopped. Lydia was thinking. I waited. She nodded.

“Lydia, listening for understanding will help you gain insight to the other person’s point of view, to understand their position.” I stopped again.

“But I want you to listen even deeper. Once you understand the other person’s point of view, understand where the other person is headed (in life), you have to look at where you are headed. Between where the other person is headed and where you are headed, there is some common ground. You have to find that intersection. The deepest level of listening is listening to learn.” -TF

Speed of the Grapevine

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Which is faster in your organization, the monthly newsletter or the company grapevine? I am taking odds.

When something bad happens, it is amazing how quickly news spreads from one work team to the next, one department to the next. If only our company newsletter was half as effective at half the speed. More importantly, we know how well the grapevine works with bad news and gossip. How can we inject positive buzz into that same channel? How can we impact the chatter around the water cooler in a positive way?

Gregg uses a bell. There are certain rules for ringing the bell. It has to be a new contract, success in a collection effort, the closeout on a difficult project. But when the bell rings, no one knows why. They have to ask, “Hey, I heard the bell ring today. What happened?”

“Oh, man, we have been working on the ABC contract for three months. They finally signed.”

That’s the kind of positive buzz I like to hear around the water cooler. What kind of impact do you have on the gossip channel in your organization? -TF

Fernando’s Mistake

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Fernando was in a quandary. His newest team member, Paul, made a major mistake on a batch run that was due for shipping this afternoon. QC had pulled a sample, then more samples, eventually, the whole batch.

It was time for an accountability conversation. Fernando knew that Paul was inexperienced, yet showed great promise with a terrific attitude. The mistake would cost about $3,000 in scrap and another $1000 in re-run time. Paul had a great attitude, but this clearly could not happen again.

How was Fernando to talk to Paul without creating defensiveness? How to make sure that Paul would not repeat the behavior again? A passing comment would not work, light-heartedness would not communicate the seriousness of the situation.

Fernando decided to talk about a mistake that he once made. By talking about his own mistake, he could go really deep; describe the details, the consequences, the corrective action. He could talk about emotions, impact on the team, accepting responsibility. By talking about himself, Fernando could lay it all out, without creating a defensive response from Paul.

If Paul does not get defensive, is there a greater likelihood that he will actually take corrective action, change his behavior? -TF

P.S. Join Executive Management Online. Orientation now open, Session One opens in 2 days.

Attaboys

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Is anyone here getting too much appreciation?

What stops a Manager from giving appreciation to team members? It’s funny here in America. We don’t know how to receive appreciation and we don’t know how to give appreciation.

Here is what I hear:
I would give appreciation more often, but it sometimes seems shallow. I don’t know if it will sound sincere.

Sincerity has to do with “real.” Appreciation is sincere when it is real. Making appreciation real is simple. First, tell the person what you liked, admired or found interesting. Then tell the person WHY. Most managers leave out the WHY. Attaboys sound like Attaboys because they never tell you WHY.

“Thanks for a great job,” is an Attaboy.

“Thanks for a great job. The reason I say that is, I knew you were scheduled to leave early yesterday. Most would have thrown something together and left. You stayed and finished the details that made this a great job.” Now we have the WHY. Now we have sincere appreciation because it is real.

The way to receive appreciation is to simply say, “Thank you.” -TF

How Are We Doing?

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Henry took the pushpins out of yesterday’s report and tacked today’s report in its place. This was a new initiative to provide statistical feedback to the floor. On the report were numbers indicating percentage of capacity, scrap overages and mean time to complete. Next to today’s number were the accumulated numbers for the month and the year. Each section of the report had a snappy little graph in color.

When Henry told me about his idea to provide daily feedback to his production floor, I was quite interested. When I saw the posting, I had more questions. I asked Henry to identify his three weakest links on the floor. That was easy, Henry pointed them out immediately.

I asked Henry to take the posting and get some feedback from his three chosen technicians. “How are we doing?” Individually, the three studied the sheet, then slowly shook their heads. “I don’t know, I guess we’re doing okay, my supervisor isn’t yelling at me.”

Henry was disappointed. He had worked hard on his charts. I asked him, “In what way could you present something that everyone will understand, quickly and easily?”

Henry finally settled on one number, today’s units produced. If the number was better than target, it was green. If it was below target, it was red. Next to it, in black, was tomorrow’s target. One week later, everybody understood. Henry’s feedback system was a success. -TF

P.S. Join Executive Management Online. Orientation now open, Session One starts in 5 days.