Every conversation can be calibrated. Every conversation has a platform. Seven levels of listening –
- Ignoring completely, oblivious, engrossed in your smartphone.
- Pretending to listen, glancing up from your smartphone.
- Listening selectively, attentive only during downloads on your smartphone.
- Listening to respond, smartphone holstered.
- Listening to understand, to understand the other person, to understand the situation.
- Listening to learn, to learn something new, something interesting, something that matters.
- Listening for the intersection where someone else’s experience meets our experience on which we can build trust.
Thinking about your relationships, as a manager, as a friend, as a stranger, as a parent. Where is your intersection with reality?
Funny.
I was just consulting on Complexity Design and Organization Readiness with a large state government executive team… after about 1 hour of the introductions and why we are here are noticed they kept starring at their ipad and cell phones. In the middle of a sentence I stopped, and sat down.
After 3 or 4 minutes everyone looked at me. I said, “You have paid for me to be here for 3 days. Today is foundation building and awareness, the next 2 days are 1 on 1 and team coaching. Noticing that you all are busy and distracted, what would be the best way to use this time and allow all of us to get the most out of today?”
The team was apologetic, and I told them to STOP apologizing and let’s figure out the answer to my question. That turned (most) of them from #2 to #6.