Saving Face and Time-Out

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Thank you all for your helpful comments on the post from Monday. If you receive the email version of Management Skills Blog, you can follow this link to the website to read all of the posts.

From Monday’s post:

I’m new to the middle management game. I supervise on the weekend. I’ve got a great team with one exception. She leaves early, complains when she has to work late, and runs to upper management every time she feels slighted. I’ve listened when she cries. I’ve tried being the tough supervisor. Nothing seems to work. Today (Saturday) she left early without completing her regularly scheduled work. The conversation deteriorated into a shouting match and she left.

Response:

Shouting matches create a tough spot. Once the volume escalates, there is more at stake than the original problem. There are now face-saving issues on the table. How can you back down as the supervisor? How can she back down as the victim of her tyrant (weekend) supervisor?

There is no easy path back to high performance for either of you. Whenever conversations become angry, you can be guaranteed to solution is near. Immediately call a time-out.
Negotiators use it, heck even basketball coaches use it. Time-out disturbs the flow, so especially if that flow is headed downhill, interrupt it.

Janice, I’m sorry. This conversation is getting heated and if we continue on this track, I am afraid we might get derailed. I want to stop and take a break. When we come back, I know I will have calmed down and I will be able to listen better. I am going to go down the hall, buy a soda from the vending machine and I will meet you back here in five minutes.

Time-out can be very helpful for regrouping, re-thinking, calming nerves, gaining perspective.
Tomorrow, let’s look at two more areas surrounding this person. -TF

2 thoughts on “Saving Face and Time-Out

  1. Ellen Weber

    Sounds like the factors here that rob communication are both “meta-messages” and “poor tone”. We rarely hear our own meta-messages or tone and neither have been emphasized in learning circles I am aware of. Good luck in finding a win-win!

    Reply
  2. Duncan

    Time out, and then some kind of unexpected behavior, like taking the other party for a latte or something. Try to send the message, “I like you as a person, although we had an issue”.

    It reminds me of the Tony Robbins technique of scratching the record, by not only breaking the pattern but making it impossible to repeat again.

    Reply

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