“So, let’s get back to the conversation part. How do you get people to talk about values in a way that is helpful?” Martin insisted.

“It is really very easy,” I said. “You simply ask them.

“I know you have tried this before and you got the lizard eye stare, but try the question differently, not about them, but about the environment around them. Often people cannot talk about themselves, but they easily see things around them. Here is how the question goes.

What do you value in a team member?

“When they respond to that question, they are really talking about themselves. Here are some more.”

What are the positive things your team members do to make this a better place to work?

Think about your best manager. What are the characteristics about that person that set him apart from other managers?

When you have a really tough problem to solve, what are the things that are really helpful to the process?

Martin was getting the picture. He excused himself from the room. He had some questions to ask his team members. –TF

Martin was waiting in the conference room when I arrived. He had a single sheet of paper in front of him.

“That was easier than I thought,” he started. “I simply observed the way my team members dress, and it was curious how quickly I noticed the difference between my top performers and the rest of my team.”

“Observing physical characteristics can give you important clues about a person’s value system. People communicate a great deal about themselves without speaking a single word.” Now it was Martin’s turn to nod his head.

“Does this have anything to do with habits?” he asked.

“What are you thinking?” I replied. I could see the wheels turning.

“Well, the fact that my top performers dress differently, I mean neater, cleaner, more polished, is not because they consciously thought about it. It seems that is just who they are. And it comes out in their work product. A person who takes pride in their personal appearance, also takes pride in their work product.”

“Why do you think that happens?”

Martin paused. “I am beginning to see a clearer connection between values and behavior. Even if people don’t think about it, consciously, that’s why they do what they do.”

“So, how important is it, for a manager, to understand the value system of team members?” -TF

“So, how do you find out what they want?” asked Martin. “You know, sometimes I talk to them about stuff like this. Sometimes, I ask them what their goals are. And sometimes, they don’t have a clue.

“I know it’s important to get some alignment between what I want (or what the company wants) and what they want. But sometimes, I don’t think they know.”

“You are right,” I agreed. “Often, people don’t know what they want. Think about this, though. People want what they value.

“How important is it for you, as a manager, to find out what your individual team members value?”

Martin pondered a moment. “I am with you. It is important,” he replied. “But how do you find out about a person’s values when sometimes they don’t even know themselves?”

“Let’s start with the easy stuff,” I suggested. “What clues can you tell about a person simply from their appearance?”

“You mean, in terms of values?” Martin asked. I nodded. “Well, you can tell some things about a person by the way they dress. Attention to detail, neatness, or sloppiness.”

“I have an exercise for you, Martin. Remember, a person’s dress is only a clue, not absolute certainty. Nonetheless, I want you to make a list of your top three team members, and simply by the way they dress, write down some words that describe their positive attributes. I will meet you here tomorrow to talk about some other ways to determine values in other people.” -TF

Martin held his head in his hand. He squinted and looked at the ceiling. “Do you mean that all my attempts at motivation have been like hitting my head against a brick wall?” he asked.

I raised my eyebrows and shook my head affirmative. “People will only comply with what you want to do. They will commit to what they want to do. All you have to do is figure out the alignment between what you want and what they want.”

“So, I know what I want. How do I find out what they want?”

“Most times,” I replied, “all you have to do is ask. I know it sounds simple, but most managers never ask.” -TF

“You cannot motivate anyone to do anything,” I observed. Martin was stumped.

“But I thought that was part of my job,” he protested.

“You can think that all you want, but it is not possible,” I continued. I could see in Martin’s eyes that he was conflicted between what he thought and his real experience trying to motivate his team members.

“Well, you may be right,” he finally replied. “Sometimes it seems easy to get people to do what I want, but other times, it seems impossible.”

“When it seems easy, what do you think is going on?” I asked.

“When it seems easy, it’s like they already wanted to do it in the first place.” Martin paused. “It seems impossible when they didn’t ever want to do it.”

“So, it doesn’t seem to matter what you want, as the manager, or how badly you want it. The only thing that seems to matter is whether your team members want to do it?”

The lights were circling in Martin’s head. The whole time, as a manager, he had been looking at motivation as getting people to do something he wanted. His mind was beginning to change. -TF