Question:
I’m at wits end. Discussions with my partner are becoming more and more frustrating. He keeps making decisions that have a positive short term impact, but a negative impact in the long run. I try to sit down with him, but the conversation ends up with an argument. I usually back off just to keep the peace, but, sooner or later, the long term will catch up with us.
Response:
Who was it, Yogi Berra, who said “the future ain’t what it used to be.” You are correct. Q1-2005 is just around the corner, it is very short term, but five years ago, Q1-2005 was seriously long term planning. Here is an interesting question, “What decisions did we make 5 years ago that put us precisely in this predicament today going in to 2005?”
Interesting question, but there is more going on here. Your description is a classic dilemma between two people harboring different time horizons. Time Horizon is defined as:
- The length of time a person can work into the future, without direction, using their own independent, discretionary judgment.
Some people have a one-day Time Horizon, others have one-week, one-month, three-months or a year. Some people can work into the future two years, or five years. Some, even 10 years, thirty years. The decision to build the Hoover Dam was made by a person whose Time Horizon was substantially longer than 5, or even 10 years. People have different Time Horizons, and it’s hard wired.
Finally, I am concerned about the quality of the conversation. To be productive, you have to recast the context of the discussion. In the beginning of the discussion, you have to grant permission to each other to disagree. (What the hell does that mean?) It means creating a structure where opposing viewpoints can be considered and explored. Right now, your structure is an argument. You don’t even explore your own point of view, you back off. Some of my clients use something as simple as the De Bono hats exercise. Each member of the discussion (even if it’s only two people) assumes a different point of view around the problem based on the color of hat they are wearing at the time. White might be legal, green -finance, yellow -short term impacts, blue -long term impacts. Each person argues their color, with passion, exuberance, turning over stones and exploring the extreme. Nobody backs off. The ending decision can now be made with more facts on the table, with all points of view appropriately considered. -TF
If you have a question to submit, you can e-mail: tfoster {at} fosterlearning {dot} org