Miriam was calm. She had just confronted a bully.

“Interesting,” I responded, “that you talked about your contribution to the problem. You said that the problem persisted, in part, because you had never confronted her, because you lacked the courage.

“As her manager, doesn’t this show weakness?” I knew this was a critical question for Miriam to understand as she moved to the next step with her team member. She had acted swiftly, but with purpose.

“No, it did not show weakness,” she replied. “It was the truth. Owning up to the truth is not an act of weakness. More important, accepting responsibility is the first step to change. Until I own up to the truth, until I understand the behavior is mine, I cannot change my behavior.

“My team member is in the same position. She also has to change. Her first step will be to own up to the truth and take responsibility for her own behavior. As long as she thinks it is someone else’s fault, she can never take the first step to change.”

___
Our next Leadership Program in Fort Lauderdale begins February 26, 2007. Visit www.workingleadership.com.

“I know I have to work differently,” Sharon stammered. “I just can’t seem to get everything done. I am pretty frustrated.”

“Sharon, what would you do differently, if I only allowed you to work one day per week?”

She chuckled at the prospect of the idea. “No, way!”

I lifted my eyes and slowly nodded my head up and down. “Think about it. Describe to me what you would do if you came in Monday morning and knew that your team had to work the rest of the week without you?”

Sharon looked down, then up to the left. “I guess I would meet with each one of my supervisors and make sure they knew what needed to get done that week.”

“And what else?”

“Well, I would ask them if they knew of any problems that would prevent them from getting the job done.”

“And knowing that you would not be there to solve the problem for them that week, how would you discuss the issue?”

“Well, we would probably talk about what they would have to do if the problem actually happened, or maybe how to prevent the problem.”

“So, tell me, Sharon. Which one of your team members could you have that discussion with today?” -TF

I am a bit overwhelmed with the quality of responses to the dilemma posted by Exhausted this past Friday. If you are an email subscriber, you should visit the site to read the comments. There are some very thoughtful suggestions at both ends of the spectrum.

Recap:
Exhausted is faced with a decision about a direct report who is resistant to his management of her work behavior. Last Friday’s post has the details.

My response:
As I listened to your description of events, I only heard about your efforts and your failure to manage this person to your way of thinking and behavior.

People don’t want to be managed. You can manage a process, you can manage a machine, but you cannot manage a person. Which is kind of weird, because we think that is what managers are supposed to do.

People don’t want to be managed, but they will follow a leader. If you take your manager hat off for a bit and replace it with your leader hat, what would you do differently?

You see, the only way to manage people is with pressure tactics, control systems, threats of punishment, job descriptions, verbal and written warnings. You have tried all of these and you are left with a poor attitude and a resistant direct report.

But with your leader hat on, what are the new tools you have to build trust and gain commitment. People will sign-on to a world that they help to construct.

Here is the bad news. For the past four months, you have managed this person into a state of resistance. You may have ruined her. And you may not have the patience or the time to repair the damage. And the damage may not be repairable.

By all appearances, this person may be headed for an inevitable separation. And separations happen. You will then get a chance with a new person. As a manager (leader), you will get a second chance. Take a look at your hat, make sure you are wearing the right one. Whenever I hear about this kind of situation, all crumbs lead back to the manager. That would be you. -TF

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am a new manager in this company, but I have 6 years experience in my field, so, technically, I am qualified and have the drive to be good at anything I do. I have 2 employees that work directly under me and consistent problems with one. I feel like she resents me because she was overlooked for my position several times because she is a female. I sympathized at first, but after 4 months, it is very clear that her attitude and lack of drive to go the extra has been her problem. After one month in my new position without making any significant changes, I sat down with each of them and created in writing what I expect from them. They both signed, agreeing that the terms were fair.

Yet, even after our talk, she has been resistant to anything I have asked her to do and continues to argue with me about the way we do things.

I have verbally warned her that this behavior is unacceptable, but I feel like I need to write her up so it is on record that she has been warned. She wants more money (not the opportunity to make more, but to be GIVEN more) but I am ready to get rid of her. I am a very tolerant guy, but I feel that her resentment is causing her to not be able to change her attitude. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I am exhausted. I want to praise her for doing a great job, but I can hardly get her to just do what I expect, much less exceed expectations…I NEED HELP!!!

Response:

I will hold my response until Monday. I am curious what my readers think. Has anyone ever had this person work for you? What were the symptoms? How did you handle it?

___

Our next Leadership program begins January 22, 2007. Visit www.workingmanagement.com.

From Wednesday’s Ask Tom mailbag:

Elaine, a manager, has a supervisor who now reports to her. This supervisor has been with the company since the beginning, but doesn’t follow all the company guidelines, avoids “extra” duties like training. There is resentment building among the other supervisors about everyone carrying their load. So, this issue is more than individual accountability, there is an impact to the group dynamic.

We had great comments posted from Jeff, Kurt and John.

This issue will not be solved overnight.

Step One. Start with a one on one conversation. As a manager, this is a listening exercise, using questions. The subject areas should begin with history, then job satisfaction, teamwork, team member assessments, productivity and training. The purpose of this conversation is to make the supervisor’s thoughts visible, nothing more. It is likely that what is said by the supervisor more closely conforms to company policy than the behavior you have witnessed.

Step Two. Use the team dynamic to have a supervisor’s meeting to discuss those same subject areas. Again, this exercise is one of asking questions and listening. The purpose of this conversation is to make the team’s thoughts visible. And this is the first of several on-going meetings. The time spent in this meeting should not exceed thirty minutes. Do not try to solve the world’s problems, but make their thoughts visible, thank them and adjourn the meeting.

Step Three. Continue with these meetings on a scheduled basis, perhaps once a week and make progress toward problem solving especially in those areas where you have noticed a breakdown in collaboration. The purpose of these meetings is to have the supervisors define and take responsibility for making progress. Your supervisor in question will either play, or not.

So, Elaine, keep us updated on YOUR progress. -TF
—
Our next Sales Program starts January 8, 2007 www.workingsales.com.
Our next Management Program starts January 22, 2007 www.workingmanagement.com.

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am at wits end. I have a weekly management meeting, but it seems I do all the talking, especially when it comes to accountability. And when it comes to accountability, all the ears in the room go deaf. Whenever there is underperformance, it is like the team cowers under the table until the shouting is over. I am tired of shouting. Besides, it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Response:

Most Managers are not aware of and do not leverage team accountability. Managers assume the role of the bad guy and essentially let the team off the hook when it comes to holding each other accountable for performance.

Turn the tables. In your next meeting, when a team member reports non-performance or underperformance, stop the agenda. Ask each team member to take a piece of paper and write down how this underperformance is impacting their part of the project. Go around the table and ask each person to make a statement. Then ask the team to create an expectation of how the underperformance should be corrected. Go around the table again. Finally, ask the underperformer to respond to the team and make a public commitment to action.

Team accountability is a very powerful dynamic. -TF