“Do you bring value in this manager-team member relationship by issuing directives and orders, calling meetings (that she doesn’t show up to), getting angry when she doesn’t do what you tell her to do?” I challenged.

“I would think that she would have some respect,” Joan finally fought back.

I shook my head and stared. “As a manager, you will never get respect, you can only earn respect. And you can only earn respect by bringing value to her problem solving and decision making. Can you bring value by issuing directives and orders?”

“Based on the response I am getting from her, obviously not,” Joan replied.

“Can you bring value to the relationship, value to her problem solving and decision making by asking questions?”

Joan tilted her head back. The tension in her face turned calm. “I can ask questions,” she repeated.

“Can you push her thinking by asking questions? Can you broaden the scope of her solutions? Can you bring in other perspectives by asking questions? Can you challenge her assumptions, bring in alternatives, anticipate contingencies, bottlenecks, all by asking questions?”

Joan smiled, and nodded. “I think I know what to do.”

Headed into Day Two with Karen King’s Vistage group in Albuquerque, NM on the research of Elliott Jaques.
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“You have a tenuous relationship with your most valuable team member,” I stated flatly. “It is your job, as a manager, to bring value to that relationship.”

Joan nodded, but did not speak.

“It is your job, as a manager to bring value to her thinking and her work.” I stopped and changed direction. “What is work?” I asked.

“Well, for my team, it is contacting customers, following up on orders that fall through the cracks, talking about our products,” Joan floated.

“Those are things that you, as a manager, can see, things you can observe. But what is the work?”

I was fishing and Joan wasn’t taking the hook.

“You can watch and observe physical actions, but the work is more difficult to see. The work is making decisions and solving problems. How can you bring value to her decision making and problem solving?”

Greetings from Albuquerque, NM. I am here through Friday with Karen King, a Vistage Chair, working with her groups on the research of Elliott Jaques.
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“It’s not industry experience,” Joan shook her head. ” I’ve been here only eight months, a newcomer to this industry. My problem team member has twelve years experience on me.”

“So, what was it the prompted the company to bring you in, as her manager?” I asked.

“I suppose they didn’t want to lose a valuable producer, moving her into management,” Joan guessed.

“Let me ask you, after twelve years, as a producer for this company, do you think there are any techniques she doesn’t know?”

Joan was looking for the trick in the question. “No, she knows the process cold, great relationships with our customers.”

“Then what value do you bring to her work?” I prodded. “Because that is why this company brought you in from the outside. And it is this value that will earn the respect.”

“Why did the company bring you in from the outside, instead of promoting a 12 year veteran?” I asked. “The two of you are about the same age. And she has more years of specific experience.”

Joan thought for a minute. “You are right. She has more experience, in doing the work, but I don’t think they brought me in to do more work.”

“So, why do you think they brought you into the company? What do you bring to the table, that is different? And what is so different about your role, that they would pass over someone on the inside?”

“I don’t know,” Joan shook her head. “And this was never discussed during the interview process. But it was definitely an intentional decision.”

“Easy to say, difficult to do. Bringing value,” I repeated.

“Not sure what you mean. I think it is a respect issue,” Joan replied. “You think I can gain respect by bringing value. What does that mean?”

“Look, you are new here. You have been with the company since November and her manager for only two months, she has been here for twelve years. She knows her job, what does she need you for? Why would she go to one of your silly meetings, anyway?”

“My meetings are not silly, they’re important,” she protested.

“The meetings are silly to her, until you prove otherwise. Even acknowledging you in the hallway is silly to her, until you prove otherwise, until you earn her respect.”

“But, I was hired in to be her manager, some respect should come with the territory. I know she wanted my job, but the company hired me instead.”

“She ignores me, like I am not even there,” Joan complained, “and I am her boss.” Joan joined the company as a manager nine months ago. One of her direct reports was a 12 year veteran with the company.

“What is going on?” I asked.

“I call a meeting of my staff, she doesn’t show. I walk past her in the hallway and she doesn’t acknowledge me. She is focus forward. I have seen personality conflicts before, but this one takes the cake.”

“How do you think you will gain her respect?”

Joan shook her head. “I just want her to be nice. At this point, I have about given up on respect.”

I waited for the pity party to settle.

“It is really very simple,” I replied. “All you have to do is bring value to her thinking and her work. Stimulate her thinking. Help her improve to the next level. You cannot gain respect by giving directives or demanding that she be a nice person. You can only gain respect by bringing value.”

Easy to say, difficult to do. On July 6, we will begin our Coaching Series in Working Leadership Online. Here are the topics.

• Jul 6 – Coaching – Bringing Value as a Manager
• Jul 27 – Coaching Underperformance – Time Span and the Employment Contract
• Aug 17 – Coaching High Performance – Time Span and Highest Capability

Stay tuned next week for a special offer for this series.