“It’s time for my monthly coaching session,” Manuel explained. “I have some things I need to point out to some of my team.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “Negative feedback is necessary. If my shoes are untied, I need to know so I don’t fall on my face. But tying my shoes do not make me a high performer.”
Manuel looked down at his shoes, to make sure he was not the focus. I continued, “What kind of feedback do you need?”
“Not a lot,” he said. “I have a pretty good idea when I perform well and when I fail.”
“Most competent people do,” I nodded. “You have a good sense when you are in struggle and when you are in flow. You have internal feedback sensitivities. When you are in flow, your body generates endorphins. When you struggle, your stomach doesn’t feel right.”
Manuel smiled. “That’s me. What about my team?”
“Reality always wins,” I replied. “You biggest job is to get in touch with it.** You are about to enter a coaching session with one of your team members. Giving advice, negative feedback, corrective action may get some shoelaces tied, but your biggest impact is getting your team member in touch with their reality. And, your description doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is their perception, their perception of circumstances, their perception of intention, their perception of performance and their perception of outcome. You only have a marginal impact with advice. You have a larger impact with questions. The best managers are not those who tell people what to do, but those who ask the best questions.”
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**Shades of Pat Murray