Miriam was calm. She had just confronted a bully.

“Interesting,” I responded, “that you talked about your contribution to the problem. You said that the problem persisted, in part, because you had never confronted her, because you lacked the courage.

“As her manager, doesn’t this show weakness?” I knew this was a critical question for Miriam to understand as she moved to the next step with her team member. She had acted swiftly, but with purpose.

“No, it did not show weakness,” she replied. “It was the truth. Owning up to the truth is not an act of weakness. More important, accepting responsibility is the first step to change. Until I own up to the truth, until I understand the behavior is mine, I cannot change my behavior.

“My team member is in the same position. She also has to change. Her first step will be to own up to the truth and take responsibility for her own behavior. As long as she thinks it is someone else’s fault, she can never take the first step to change.”

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Our next Leadership Program in Fort Lauderdale begins February 26, 2007. Visit www.workingleadership.com.