Category Archives: Coaching Skills

Fight, Flight or Freeze

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“How did you expect him to respond?” I asked.

“I expected him to stop doing what he was doing and do what I told him to do,” answered Patrick. “Instead, he just froze. He stopped. His face went blank, like he was all confused. So I left the floor to let him figure it out, get his bearings. Ten minutes later, I’m back out there and he is doing it the old way again. As soon as he sees me, he stops, like he is lost. It was like his first day on the job again.”

“How would you describe his attitude, as a worker?” I asked.

“He has a good attitude, you can tell he wants to do things right, but when you criticize his work, he goes totally incompetent on you.”

“Why do you think that happens?”

“I don’t know. It’s not logical or rational. It’s like he isn’t thinking with part of his brain.”

“Which part of his brain isn’t working?”

“Like, I said,” Patrick continued, “the logical, rational part.”

“So, when you criticize him, what part of his brain do you think you are tapping into? Because you know we all have different parts to our brain.” Patrick was stumped. He knew about different parts of the brain, but he was a manager, not a psychologist.

“Patrick, there are three big parts of the brain. First is that logical, rational part. Second is the emotional part. And the third is the oldest part of the brain. This old brain is what we first used for survival back in the early days of man. This old brain is constantly looking out for danger. Of course, danger today is different than back in the dinosaur days, but it still operates. Most of the time, the old brain, when it senses danger triggers a “fight” or “flight” response. But sometimes, it doesn’t know what to do and just freezes. I call it fight, flight or freeze.

“Think about your criticism as a danger signal that creates fear and I think you will gain some insight into his response.

“As a manager, at times, we have to provide negative feedback, corrective guidance, especially in matters of safety, specific sequences, the way we deal with customers and so on. In what way can we, as managers, provide that feedback without invoking the fight, flight or freeze response?” -TF

New Manager?

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From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am currently a sales representative with a prospective position as a sales manager over the next few months. I would be managing a sales force of approximately 10 people with 2-3 products using a fairly new selling process. It is tailored to think about WHY a customer makes a buying decision versus delivering a scripted message. This sales model incorporates detail aids (printed material) along with the use of television ads in the future. I have to begin to think about WHY I am ready for a district sales management position. What do you feel are truly the most effective skills that I need to think about as a new sales manager?

Response:

Being a Sales Manager requires a totally different skill set than being an effective sales rep. Many good sales reps have ruined their sales careers by being promoted to Sales Manager. Let me run my short list by you and then we will open it up for suggestions.

  • Hiring
  • Firing
  • Establishing accountabilities (targets)
  • Training
  • Evaluating performance
  • Coaching performance
  • Building a team
  • Running effective meetings
  • Reviewing and adjusting the sales model

We will spend the next couple of days looking at these skills in more detail. Meanwhile, I know several readers have made that transition and will have some helpful recommendations. Please leave comments. -TF

Find a Mentor

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From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am currently in the IT helpdesk-desktop support field and have been there for five years. I am looking into an entry level management position in IT. What are some of the key things that one should learn or be very strong in.? Much appreciate your response to this.

Response:

First, look at the specific requirements for the position you are going after. Speak with the current supervisor of that position and ask the same question.

Next, there are some core skills that every manager should sharpen, no matter the industry. These include time management, communication skills, planning skills and the like. My favorite book on these subjects was written by Peter Drucker back in the 1960’s called the Effective Executive. It’s still available from Amazon and is a quick read.

Finally, start hanging around with other managers in your company. Find someone to be a mentor, someone you can bounce ideas off of, someone who asks you questions and makes you think. -TF

How am I Doing?

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From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question: (continued from yesterday)

I am a Regional Manager, responsible for seven locations across the Midwest. At times, I feel as if I am not in touch with their issues, challenges or daily routines. In fact, some are not even “available” for lunch or dinner when I am in town. Have I lost touch?

Response:

First, my question. When you do meet with your managers are you bringing real value to the conversation, or would they just as soon skip it? If you are bringing real value to their thinking and their work, your managers will look forward to these meetings. They will not miss these meetings for all the tea in China.

So, what does that conversation sound like? How do you, as their manager, bring value to their thinking and their work?

Most managers think they bring value by providing direction and advice. Of course, there are times when direction and advice are helpful, but please, don’t ask me to dinner so you can tell me what to do.

Instead, ask me questions. Ask me how I am doing. Really doing. Ask me about my challenges or difficulties. Ask me how I am solving my problems. Ask me how I feel about my job. Ask me how I feel about my life. No advice, just ask and listen. I would love to tell you how I am doing. I would love to tell you how I feel about my life, the things that are important to me. Come here, you can take me to dinner and I will make myself available. I will not miss the opportunity to talk about myself. It’s my favorite subject. -TF

Out of Town, Out of Touch

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From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:

I am a Regional Manager, responsible for seven locations across the Midwest. I feel I have the ability to manage effectively without talking to my team on a daily basis. But, at times, I feel as if I am not in touch with their issues, challenges or daily routines. In fact, some are not even “available” for lunch or dinner when I am in town. Have I lost touch? Can you recommend a book to read, symposium to attend to improve my management skills? What has been your experience in managing people in multiple locations?

Response:

Thank you for your question. Reading a book will not solve your problem. Staying in touch with your location managers is tough when face-to-face meetings are not frequent. It’s tough, but not impossible.

First, create a master schedule of all the touches for the next six months. This includes face-to-face meetings, conference calls, 1-1 coaching calls, birthday cards and handwritten notes that are snail-mailed.

Ask your location managers what interaction is the most helpful, how you can provide the best support for them. Each person is different and may require a different frequency and kind of touch.

Tomorrow, I will talk about that in-town dinner your managers are not “available” for, but in the meantime, let’s open this up for posted comments. As a manager, how do you stay in touch with out of town direct reports, to support their issues, challenges and daily routines? -TF

The Heavy Lifting

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“Today, the subject is purpose. In front of you is a 3×5 card that we prepared together during this past week. These are your words describing an accomplishment on an important project.”

Julia paired them up to trade their stories of purpose past. Two minutes later, each pair was recording their work on a flip chart, one writing, one telling the story to the group.

Twenty-five minutes later, they had a written record of significant accomplishments during the past two years.

“Where do we go from here?” Julia asked.

“We just do more of the same,” Ralph chimed in.

Julia’s eyes met with each team member around the table. Without looking down, she pulled out a large chart with two lines on it. One line was moving up, colored green. One line was moving down, colored red.

Julia explained that the green line was the incoming work. It was a good thing. The red line going down was the department’s profit. That was a bad thing.

“How do we get the red line to turn up?” Julia asked the group.

All eyes turned to Ralph. “Just do more of the same?” he repeated, but this time it was a question.

“I know you can do it,” said Julia. “Since the meeting started, we have talked very seriously about how well we work. But something has changed. Something in our process is slipping, or missing, or we may be doing something wrong. Together, we need to find out what it is.” She stopped. The room was silent. For what seemed like ten minutes, she let silence do the heavy lifting. In reality, it was only twenty seconds.

“The question is still on the table,” she said. “How do we get the red line to turn up?”

The Meeting Begins

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Julia invited me to sit in the back of the room. I love to be a fly on the wall.

“I have had a couple of team meetings, already,” she explained, “but, for the most part, they were steeped in pretense. They weren’t very productive, but we did get all the nicey, nice stuff out of the way. Today, there will be friction.”

At 9:00am, Julia locked the door. Ralph and two others had yet to arrive, but Julia started anyway. Thirty seconds later, there was a soft tap, tap at the door. Julia motioned for Michael to attend to the late arrivals. As Ralph and one other entered the room, she directed them to chairs up front, next to her. As they were sitting, the last remaining person burst into the room, the team was now complete.

At each place, was the 3×5 card that Julia told me about. She had prepared these in her 1-1 conversations with each team member. They had each seen these cards before and now they would be the basis for a brand new conversation.

Building a Lever

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Julia was working quickly, but there were times when it seemed she was going oh, so, slow.

“Sometimes, you have to go slow so you can go fast,” she explained. As a new manager, working with a veteran crew, she had some significant hurdles to overcome. And the team had some significant changes to make. Though the volume in their department was growing, their profitability was sinking to barely break-even. This whole service line was in trouble.

“We have to make some changes and we have to make them fast. But first, I have to build a platform to make those changes.” Julia was firm in her belief about the steps she was taking.

“So, tell me about the slow part?” I asked.

“Instead of arguing about the way we do things, I have to establish discussions of purpose. I started with Ralph, then two other guys who have been around a while, then the rest of the team. All the conversations were different, but they all ended up in the same place. I got every team member to talk about a significant project and why it was important. In each conversation, I wrote the essence of the story on a 3×5 index card. Tomorrow, I am going to use that as leverage.”

Three Days to Turn

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“Why was it so important that you moved Ralph to a conversation about purpose?” I asked. As a new manager getting pushback from a veteran crew, Julia was working quickly.

“As their manager, I have goals and objectives that I have to reach. I have purpose in my role just like they do. The sooner I can engage the team leaders in a discussion about purpose, the sooner we can find an intersection and get started to someplace new.”

Julia stopped. She knew she had made her point, but there was something else even more important.

“You know, I told you that Ralph seemed proud that the team ran off their last manager in three months? Here’s the thing. I don’t have three months to fail. I have three days to get this turned around and three weeks to show positive results.

“I can’t afford to wait and see. That is why these conversations are so important. And conversations about purpose are the quickest way I know to get there.”

Moving to Purpose

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“So, they ran the last manager off in three months?”

“Yes,” replied Julia.

“How do you think you broke through?”

“Well, the story about the previous manager was all pretense. Ralph was posturing to see how I would react.”

“And?”

“I could have responded the same way, but I didn’t. Instead, I asked him questions about the way things were being done. Fact-based questions allow the ice to be broken. Then I moved from facts to purpose.” Julia’s plan was emerging.

“How did you do that?” I asked.

“First, I asked him about their most significant achievement, as a team. Everybody likes to brag so he told me about a particularly difficult project that had gone very well.” Julia stopped. “And then, I asked him why that was important. The level of the conversation had moved from pretense to purpose. And I had moved it in only four questions.”

“And?”

“And I still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.”