“You make it sound like the project failed, because it was our fault,” Roland pressed back. “The customer was being unreasonable.”

I held up my hand. “Stop,” I said. “Your customer came to you with a project. Projects are full of problems. They came to you for solutions. The first rule in being part of the solution is not to be part of the problem. Your explanation sounds eloquent, even reasonable, but your customer did not come to you for an explanation. Your explanation tells me more about you than it does about the project.”

Roland’s face turned glum. “So, we learned about the difficulty of the project, the time pressure of the deadlines, the negative demeanor of the customer. You said we missed something in our post-mortem.”

“What you missed,” I continued, “was your own contribution to the problem. You knew the complexity in the project, but mis-estimated your team’s capability to deal with the complexity. You knew the time pressure, but did not know your team would mis-fire in the face of that pressure. You knew the customer was prone to anger, but did not prepare to manage expectations. These are the lessons your mistakes were trying to teach you. Until you face those lessons, your next project will see a similar outcome.”