“Speak in terms of the other person’s interests.” Those words rattled around in Susan’s head for a minute. Finally she spoke.

“But, you know, sometimes, there is stuff that I need to communicate. Sometimes there is stuff that is in my interest, or the company’s interest. What do I do then? I mean, it’s all well and good to talk about the other person’s interests, but what about me, what about the company?”

“Susan, you make it sound like your team doesn’t have you or the company at heart. In fact, they do. Let’s take the issue of efficiency. It is in your best interest as the manager and in the company’s best interest for your team to work efficiently, right?”

“Exactly,” Susan replied, moving to the edge of her chair. “I want to talk about efficiency, so how do I talk in terms of the other person’s interests when I want to have a discussion about efficiency?”

“First, Susan, understand that your team also wants to be efficient. Believe it or not, your team wants to be productive and do a good job. They want to do a good job for you and the company. And it is your responsibility, as the manager, to make that connection.

“Gather your team together. Divide them in workgroups of two or three people and tell them the topic for the day is efficiency.

“Today’s topic for discussion is efficiency. But before we talk about how we can be more efficient, let’s talk about why. For the next one minute, work in your teams and write down three benefits that happen when we work more efficiently. The benefits you think about, should be personal benefits to you. You spend 8 hours a day working here and you work hard. What are the personal benefits to you when the team works more efficiently?”

Susan looked at me, then pulled out a sheet of paper. “Let me write that down,” she said.