“So, Julia, you are in this conversation, looking for common ground. What if the team member isn’t giving you anything to work with?”
“Impossible,” Julia responded. “Unless, they are stiff arming me.”
Julia was a new manager on a team with nine men and two women. I was anticipating some pushback from some of the vets. This was not going to be easy.
“What do you mean, stiff arming?” I asked
“Sometimes, egos come in to play. They think they have to act tough in front of their co-workers, be uncooperative with the new boss. Maybe if they stiff arm me long enough, I will get fired. But it’s only a pretense. It’s just a game. I have to draw them out of the game and into the conversation.”
“What does that sound like?” I pushed.
“I usually start with fact-based questions. I stay away from opinions and judgments in the beginning. In these fact-based questions, I am looking to build up the tiniest bit of trust. It’s pretty simple, really. I ask a question. They respond. Nothing bad happens. I ask another question. They respond. Nothing bad happens. And the questions are easy
Tell me about your job? What do you do? Where do you get the materials? What machines do you use? On a good day, how many units do you produce?
“After a few minutes, the pretense goes away,” Julia continued. “I have drawn them into the conversation by asking them fact-based questions. It may not be a deep conversation, but at least they are out of the ego game.”
Dear Ms. Julia,
This issue is deeper than it looks at the surface. That of trust and a new member inside a already established group. Here the gender issue is also one facet. There are males who believe females are inferior. Depending on culture, experiences and upbringing. One needs to understand the reasons behind any behavior. A new male boss may get a more easier acceptance. You need to find about the sub-groups operating in the group through other means( Janitor or otherwise). Then you would do well by taking the groups female member into confidence.
You need to gain their trust in the initial period by going by the books and showing your style to be democratic and then its the Sir Jack Welchs procedure. Remove the truoble makers and bring in your own people.
Ma’am the world is a dirty place to be in , and believe me Organisations and Groups can be dirtier. And also beware of Voilence which may erupt because of your apt or non-apt handling of the situation.
For more ps. read Winning by Sir Jack Welch or a good book on Group Dynamics.