“What do mean, I wasn’t listening. I heard what he said,” protested Lydia. We were discussing different levels of listening.
“I know you heard what he said, but I want you to listen deeper.” I challenged.
“What do you mean?”
“Most of the time, when we are listening, we make eye contact, we exhibit great body language to show we are engaged, but in truth, we are just waiting for them to take a breath so we can – respond. Listening to respond shows you are paying attention, but I want you to listen deeper.
“I want you to think about understanding. Listen for understanding.” I stopped. Lydia was thinking. I waited. She nodded.
“Lydia, listening for understanding will help you gain insight to the other person’s point of view, to understand their position.” I stopped again.
“But I want you to listen even deeper. Once you understand the other person’s point of view, understand where the other person is headed (in life), you have to look at where you are headed. Between where the other person is headed and where you are headed, there is some common ground. You have to find that intersection. The deepest level of listening is listening to learn.” -TF
Tom, you have put a very interesting insight in the exact words.
Even for someone who feels he listens deeply, this post shall initiate a personal check.
Harpreet, thank you for the kind words. We often do not realize the impact we have on other people simply by the way that we listen to them.