“So, life is NOT a river,” Ellen repeated.

“No,” I replied. “And I cannot teach you the things you need to know to become a better manager. You cannot read a book on management and suddenly be a better manager.”

Ellen looked disappointed.

“If you can’t teach me, then who?”

“Ellen, it is your journey. You are responsible for the preparation. You are responsible for taking the steps. You are responsible for learning along the way. What you choose to read and who you choose to listen to are important, but you are responsible for the learning.”

“I know I need some help,” Ellen explained. “I am in a new role, I have to step up my game. I know you and I know that many people trust you to help them. I need you to teach me, so that I can become a better manager.”

“I am flattered,” I replied, “but I must tell you a story.”

There was a young woman searching for the meaning of life. She had heard of a wise man who lived at the top of a mountain, who, by all reports, could help in her quest. So she made preparations for the journey.

It was a long journey, traveling by foot. Many overnights before she arrived at the mountain. The mountain was not particularly dangerous to climb, but the path was another two days journey into a higher elevation.

Finally, she arrived, and sat with the wise man she had heard so much about. After explaining the reason for her travel, she asked the question. “Sir, what is the meaning of life?”

To which, the wise man quickly responded, “My child, Life is a River.”

The young woman was clearly taken aback. “I heard you were a wise man, so I traveled many days to arrive at your mountain, then traveled two more days into the clouds to speak with you about the meaning of life, and all you have to say is that Life is a River?”

The wise man looked directly at her, “You mean, it’s not a river?”

“So, how long could they keep that up?” I repeated. “As long as nothing changed, how long could your team simply repeat what they did the day before?”

“Well, forever,” Nathan exclaimed. “But things do change.”

“Bingo!” I said. “Things do change and that is what management is all about. Customers change, technology changes, raw materials change, processes change, even our people change. Management is all about change. Change is your guarantee of a never-ending employment opportunity as a manager.”

I smiled, but Nathan didn’t appreciate my jovial attitude.

“I think I am tuned in with that. So, why am I having so much trouble with my team. They don’t listen to anything I have to say.” Nathan’s head swirled as if his thoughts were making him dizzy and he was trying to stabilize.

“Here is the problem,” I replied, waiting until Nathan’s eyes were settled. “Everyone talks about managing change, as if it is the prime directive. We manage this and we manage that. Here is the clue. People don’t want to be managed. People want to be led. Oh, there is still plenty to manage, processes, systems and technology. But try to manage people and it will be a bit like herding cats.”

“I think I am pretty good at explaining our policies and procedures. I mean, we spent a lot of time developing our processes. We have tested things. We know the best way to get things done. So, why doesn’t my team listen to me?” complained Megan.

“What happens?” I asked.

“Okay, there are 13 steps in this process. And there are certain things that you have to look for, like you can mess up step number two and you won’t notice until step number six, so you have to take the whole thing apart back to step two.”

“Sounds complicated.”

Megan gave me the look. “That’s why I have to explain it. But they don’t seem to listen, then they start doing things their own way. About half the production has to be scrapped.”

“What do you think is happening?”

“They’re just not listening to me,” Megan stated flatly.

“I think you are right. They’re not listening to you. Sounds like they care more about what they think than what you think?” I watched Megan for her response. She didn’t like what I said, but I was just confirming what she had observed. They weren’t listening to her.

“How can you use that to your advantage?” I continued. Megan’s look at me was probably similar to the look she gave her team. “Megan, let’s try something different. I got this camera from some promo give-away. Here, take it. It’s only 4 megapixel and the chip will only take 30 pictures, but why don’t you give your team this camera and ask them to document this 13 step process and see what you get.”

“But they will get it all wrong,” she protested.

“Perhaps,” I replied.

“I’m not looking forward to this conversation,” Rachel confided. “I have been dreading this for weeks.”

“So, you have been putting this off?” I answered (with a question).

She nodded. “I hate dealing with misbehavior. I would prefer to drop a few hints and hope they get the message.”

“So, hope is your strategy?”

Rachel chuckled, in pain. “I want to do this right. This conversation is treacherous. As the manager, if I screw this up, it could make matters worse.”

“How about three ground-rules?” I asked.

“Okay, I’m all in,” she replied.

“Now, if your purpose is to simply fire someone, cut them off at the knees, you don’t need this. But if your objective is for the team member to correct the behavior, put the performance back on track, then start here.

Three Groundrules credit to Pat Murray

• No surprises
• Re-visit the deal
• Be slow to understand

No Surprises
The purpose of this conversation is to re-place the team member on stable ground so that corrective adjustments can be built. People have difficulty coping when the rug has been pulled from underneath.

Revisit the Deal
There was always a deal. Sometimes people forget the deal and that’s why their behavior gets out of whack.

Be Slow to Understand
Managers often jump to conclusions without the facts, trying to solve the problem before they understand the problem. Be slow to understand.

The next Subject Area in our Working Leadership Online program is Coaching Underperformance – Time Span and the Employee Contract. We have a few open slots available if you would like a Free Introductory Membership. We kick off on September 7. Wait, that’s today!

From the Ask Tom mailbag:

Question:
I am the manager of a team of project managers and several administrative-type “bargained” folks. I have been working with this team for 4 years, and we added another administrative person one year ago. There is constant conflict between this person and the rest of the team.

She is a horrible team player, extremely negative and continues to isolate herself from the rest of the team. My team is extremely close knit, except for this one person. She continues to alienate and isolate herself socially from other people on the team, and increasingly gets upset because she feels like people are ‘avoiding’ her. She says that people completely ignore her – and that she hates to come to work because is constantly alone all day.

I have coached, done team meetings about communication, team work and team building. The rest of the team benefits, not her.

Today she came crying into my office again saying that her team members ignore her and how awful it is to work here. I am a busy professional with so much on my plate, I don’t have time to continue to work on this with her. I am scared to death about saying to her “maybe you need to find another job” because of her bargained status.

Response:
I need more information related to the “bargained” status. Why does this make her a sacred cow?

I would make a deal with her. You will help her find a role that fits her. That role may be on your team, on another team in the company or on another team in someone else’s company. Her choice.

You are not a babysitter. You are not a social worker. You are not a psychologist. You are a MANAGER. Start acting like one. You and your team have work to do. It IS your job to determine the task assignments for your team, provide them with resources, select the members of the team and evaluate each team member’s contribution to the goal. Because I will hold you accountable for the performance of your team, you must also have the authority to de-select a person from your team. (De-selection does not necessarily mean termination, just means this person can’t be on your team).

You can be absolutely supportive in helping her understand the contribution she has the capability to make, including being a valuable contributor to a team effort. If that fits, great. If it doesn’t fit, get her off the team. Help her find another place where she can be happy.

As a manager, you can be sensitive and straight. We have work to get done. If she wants to be a part, she’s on the team. If not, be straight and sensitive and help her find a place where she does fit and make a valuable contribution.

Yes, you gave me some negative feedback. In my training program, as my coach, to create a champion ice skater, we talked about discipline. And now my laces are smartly tied, no longer dragging the ice.

But am I now, by virtue of correcting this weakness, a champion ice skater?

The answer to the question about negative feedback is, yes, it must be spoken, but correcting a weakness does not make a champion. It just means I am not going to fall on my face, skating across my laces.

As my coach, one thing you see, is that I have a natural and strong accelerating push-off. It is my strength. It is the one tool you have, as my coach, to build on strength. Sure, you have to tell me my laces are untied, but correcting that will never make me a champion. To make me a champion, you have to build on strength.

If you have agreed to be my coach, to turn me into a champion ice skater, the first thing you notice is that my skates are untied.

As a habit, I am sloppy about my equipment. The knots in my laces are loose and within minutes, they come apart and the laces drag the ice. As my coach, you want to be positive, but my laces are untied. Do you ignore this weakness, or is it part of your obligation, as a coach, to deliver some negative feedback?

This is not a rhetorical question.

Most people don’t know that I am a championship ice skater.

At least I will be, if you agree to be my coach. As my coach, you have many responsibilities, this is the first.

Woody Allen says that half of making progress in life is just “showing up.” The first responsibility of any coach is to make sure team members show up. I cannot get better unless you show up for practice. So, if you are going to be my coach and turn me into a championship ice skater, your first responsibility is to make sure I show up for practice.

How is your team showing up for practice?

We have two scholarships available for next week’s (Aug 17) kickoff at Working Leadership Online. Coaching Performance – Time Span and Highest Capability. If you would like one, please respond to Ask Tom.

You see the person relax. You know they are capable of more. But they stop, take a break, coast. Compared to their peers, head and shoulders above. So they get head and shoulders above and put it in neutral. You are the manager.

How can you bring this person to a higher plane of performance?

A skill is made of two things. There is a technical knowledge piece. That’s the stuff we go to school for. That is what is taught in textbooks. And it is necessary.

The other piece is most often overlooked, and that is practice. Technical knowledge and practiced performance make a skill. What is your role as a manager, as a coach, in making that happen?

In our coaching series in Working Leadership Online, so far this summer, we have looked at

• Coaching – Bringing Value as a Manager
• Coaching Underperformance – Time Span and the Employee Contract

We finish the series, kicking off next Monday, August 17.

• Coaching Performance – Time Span and Highest Capability

We have reserved ten invitations for a free scholarship. If you would like to receive an invitation, please respond to Ask Tom.