“She ignores me, like I am not even here,” Joan complained, “I know she has been here for twelve years and I have only been here for nine months, but, I am her boss.”
“What is the behavior you observe?” I asked.
“I call a meeting of my staff, she doesn’t show. I walk past her in the hallway and she doesn’t acknowledge me. She is focus forward. I have seen personality conflicts before, but this one takes the cake.”
“How do you think you will gain her respect?”
Joan shook her head. “I just want her to be nice. At this point, I have about given up on respect.”
I waited for the pity party to settle for a few seconds. “First, this is not a personality conflict. Second, I don’t care if she is nice to you, I just want her respect.”
“Yeah, right, how is that going to happen?”
“It is really very simple. All you have to do is bring value to her problem solving and decision making. Stimulate her thinking. Help her improve to the next level. You cannot gain respect by giving directives or demanding that she be a nice person. You can only gain respect by bringing value.”
The next Subject Area in our Working Leadership Online program begins August 2, 2010 – Coaching – Bringing Value as a Manager. As is our custom, we are opening 50 slots with a Free Introductory membership (one month). If you have an interest, please follow the link.
Love the way you “ask” in this post. It is a coaching learning session just reading the dialogue 🙂 Nice!