From the Ask Tom mailbag:
Question:
I need your advice. Yesterday, my manager called me in and shouted at me for a mistake I made in an Excel spreadsheet. He berated me to the point where I just felt sad. I felt so sad, in a way, that I couldn’t bear to be with the company any longer and asked to resign. I stated the reason was the unprofessional behavior of my manager. At the exit interview, they seemed not to care. What should I have done instead to help them realize that working under those circumstances is not healthy?
Response:
It took courage to make your decision. Write this down, for it will guide you in the future.
You stand for what you tolerate.
You made a decision that you would not tolerate being bullied. You made a decision that you will be treated with dignity and respect even when you make a mistake. Remember this lesson as you grow through life, for some day, you will be in a position to hold someone else accountable for their mistake. Remember how you were treated and the result.
If you want someone to resign from their job, then treat them poorly.
However, if you want someone to understand their mistake and correct the circumstances so that it is less likely to happen again, then treat them with dignity and respect.
As you search for your new job, hold your head high and ask questions about the culture of the company. You have learned a lesson on the kind of organization you will seek out in the future. -TF
“What should I have done instead to help them realize that working under those circumstances is not healthy?”
You did what you should have done to help them & they failed to take action.
My further thoughts on the matter are that having similar experiences as to what works for me as an employee and what does not, such as Tom suggested, is that this is not the first incident that upset you; this would have been the final incident. But, of course, I am speculating because my learning is to act sooner, whereas previously, I would allow things to get worse while I just continued to become more miserable. I am very quick to make those decisions now. I have improved to where I should know within the 90 day period whether or not I will be staying with the organization based upon their culture.
Secondly,warning signs are generally there; sometimes they are just ignored because as Tom also said, these decisions take a lot of courage. An example would be how someone has been or is treating others in the organization; it could be that this was your first incident with this manager, but you likely had subconscious feelings about a treatment that others around you have received. I have had that happen before also (and cursing was involved from my supervisor). I was okay to remain at the job until it was my turn being the one cursed out; I did not hesitate walking out on that job.
However, remaining in situations causing a large amount of distress are physically and emotionally unhealthy. I personally have suffered hair loss and a serious ulcer condition from stress and depression (not at the same time). The solution for me was in the preparation so that I am free to have choices.
Finally, failure of organizational culture will be the demise of the organzation. Get out while you can! You have saved yourself from the Titanic. An example would be Home Depot. If they cannot create a turnaround and refind their mission and re-establish their culture, they will disappear. Enron was another example, the clock is ticking on organizations like that. If you hesitate in making a decision to leave a negative culture, think about how much more difficult it will be to find work during the panic of a sinking one.
Babette,
Your comment is chocked full of insight. Thank you for your contribution.
I like Babette’s phrase ‘failure of organizational culture’. Often I consider organizational culture just something that exists, or needs to change; but thinking about it, if the organizational culture is actually failing, there is very little an individual can do about it (a failing culture won’t change, a heathy culture adapts and changes) – so it’s time to leave.
I know the feeling of ‘why won’t they just listen?’ and feeling of frustration that you haven’t helped those ‘left behind’ by telling the management team on your way out how it really is – and them actually taking notice, but, realistically, if they were going to listen, you wouldn’t be leaving in the first place.
I have had a similar experience to the one described, except that this company did not even perform exit interviews. I too like the phrase “failure of organizational culture” as this is exactly what is happening at many companies. They do not treasure their employees as valuable assets to retain. Instead they see their employees as expendable assets easily replaced, which is costly to the company and demoralizing to the staff.
These types of companies will never retain the talent they need to succeed in the end. They may stay afloat for a while, but eventually their competitors with a better culture will “steal” their good talent and be more successful. I have seen this happen in various industries, where employees flood out of one bad company only to be scooped up by the competitors for their valuable skills and experience.