My mood was upbeat, but this conversation with Nathan was not lifting his spirits. His team was not on a mutiny, but they weren’t paying much attention to him.
“So, you have had a bit of difficulty getting out of the gate with your team. As you think about yourself, as a manager, who comes to mind, from your past? Who is that person sitting on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, giving you advice?”
Nathan looked stunned. “That’s weird,” he said. “As I go through my day, I have this silent conversation in my head with an old boss of mine. Whenever I have a decision to make, he pops into my head. It’s like he is watching me and I still have to do it his way. That was years ago, but he still influences me.”
“Was he a good boss?” I asked.
“No, everybody hated him. That is why it’s so weird. I think he was the worst boss I ever had and I am acting just like he did.”
“So, why do you think he has such an influence on you, today?”
“I don’t know,” Nathan said slowly.
“Would you like to be a different manager than your old boss?”
Finally, Nathan smiled. “Yes, absolutely,” he replied.
“Well, that is where we start.” -TF
Hi Tom ~ I remember when first deciding that I wanted to work in a leadership capacity. My plan was to make a list of all the ‘good’ leader qualities I wanted to be sure to develop in myself. Thing is, most all of my bosses up til that point were pretty lousy leaders. So I started a second list: all the ‘bad’ leader qualities I wanted to be sure NOT to let develop in me. And boy, was that second list ever so much easier to create!
I actually think the ‘must not’ list proved to be the more valuable of the two.
Hey Barry, I’m not a psychologist but I’m always told not to focus on the DON’Ts but on the DO’s to positively approach things. As far as I’m concerned, rewriting the things from NOT to do into things to do would be a pretty good start.
Hi Kurt. i’m not a psychologist either, but ya gotta go where the info takes you sometimes! Thanks for picking up the stitch about rewriting the bad to good. That shifts it cleanly from the DONT’s to the DO’s.