“How did you expect him to respond?” I asked.
“I expected him to stop doing what he was doing and do what I told him to do,” answered Patrick. “Instead, he just froze. He stopped. His face went blank, like he was all confused. So I left the floor to let him figure it out, get his bearings. Ten minutes later, I’m back out there and he is doing it the old way again. As soon as he sees me, he stops, like he is lost. It was like his first day on the job again.”
“How would you describe his attitude, as a worker?” I asked.
“He has a good attitude, you can tell he wants to do things right, but when you criticize his work, he goes totally incompetent on you.”
“Why do you think that happens?”
“I don’t know. It’s not logical or rational. It’s like he isn’t thinking with part of his brain.”
“Which part of his brain isn’t working?”
“Like, I said,” Patrick continued, “the logical, rational part.”
“So, when you criticize him, what part of his brain do you think you are tapping into? Because you know we all have different parts to our brain.” Patrick was stumped. He knew about different parts of the brain, but he was a manager, not a psychologist.
“Patrick, there are three big parts of the brain. First is that logical, rational part. Second is the emotional part. And the third is the oldest part of the brain. This old brain is what we first used for survival back in the early days of man. This old brain is constantly looking out for danger. Of course, danger today is different than back in the dinosaur days, but it still operates. Most of the time, the old brain, when it senses danger triggers a “fight” or “flight” response. But sometimes, it doesn’t know what to do and just freezes. I call it fight, flight or freeze.
“Think about your criticism as a danger signal that creates fear and I think you will gain some insight into his response.
“As a manager, at times, we have to provide negative feedback, corrective guidance, especially in matters of safety, specific sequences, the way we deal with customers and so on. In what way can we, as managers, provide that feedback without invoking the fight, flight or freeze response?” -TF
I usely start taking about my experiences or a simalar situation of a collegue. Simalar enough to create recognition by my correspondent. But by speaking about myself or that collegue, I want to prevent an defensive reaction by my correspondent but create awareness and interest. Then I talk about how I solved that issue and how I feld afterwards. Then I talk about how it make my boss feel about the issue. Then I leave them to think about it. Mostly afterwards I see some positive reaction or a request for more information. How do you prevent a defensive reaction Tom?