“Hey, how is it going?” I asked. It seemed an innocent question.
“Oh, man, it’s rough. Our biggest competitor just lured away our Project Manager. The price of raw materials is going through the roof. We had a glitch in our computer system last week. I don’t know. I guess things are okay,” replied Marshall.
I stopped in my tracks. On the surface, it seemed like small talk. An innocent question. A little commiserating.
But words mean something. You are what you think. The only way I can tell what you are thinking is to listen to the words that you use. How do you describe yourself? How do you describe what is happening around you?
You are what you think. What you say is who you are. But take it one step further.
What you say is who you will become. How you describe yourself is who you will become. How you describe the world around you, is the world you are destined to live in.
“Hey, how is it going?”
How will you respond? -TF
Am I reading this correctly? Are you saying the correct answer to “How are you doing?” is “Fantastic!” even if you’ve got a gunshot wound?
From the asker’s point of view, why ask a question if you don’t want to hear the answer? Why not say “Good morning” instead of “How’s it going?”
In your situation above, I would have responded by asking if there’s anything I could help with on the computer problem (since I’m in IT), or by mentioning I have a couple of colleagues who are project managers who are also looking for a new job.
Don’t you think that exchange would have been more helpful?
Sean
It’s always in our perception to choose how to respond and what we think in a given situation. Tony Robbins has a saying “be careful of what seeds you allow to enter into your thoughts, for they grow and become who you are.” Weight Watchers teaches not say “I am starved!’ rather” I could use some nursihment in my body now” Again, it’s in the choice of words/perceptions and thus what we choose to make of a given situation.
If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change!
Do you see the world as a “hostel” world or do you see it as a friendly world?
Reply to Sean,
No, if you were suffering from a gunshot wound, I would expect you to show me the blood and a doctor’s note.
Seriously, the point of the story has to do with NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) which explores the function of language and thought towards future action. What we say has a great impact on what we do AND how we feel.
Last week, I was suffering from a rare cold. People would, as usual, ask me how I was doing. I caught myself describing how awful this cold was. The more I talked like that, the worse I felt. The more I projected recovery and feeling better, the better I felt.
What we say has a tremendous impact on who we are.
Great blog. Do you know of any relevant forums or discussion groups?